What do you do when you love someone so much, but their family isn't all that inviting?
To be honest, I'm not sure. Three years, practically three years I spent on the most wonderful guy. He'd do everything and anything for me. To me, you know a guy really loves you when he sacrifices his time, his hobby, his favorite everything... for you. He's willing to do anything, but I mean ANYTHING for you. He'd practically kill someone for you. When you're hurt, they'll shank someone or wipe a tear. They'll hold your face and play with your hair. Anything.
Straight out of high school, after everyone practically hates your guts for telling someone else that her four-some was leaked, you don't really really have many friends. After the drama of having a video on YouTube about you... and people wanting to kill you... and specifying that you're worthless, a cry-baby and that if they ever see you on the street they'll kill you... Yeah, I didn't have many friends out of high school. Everyone was just busy living their own lives.
My mom always taught me since I was little that there was no real thing as a best friend. That everyone used everybody for their own convenience. Throughout high school, I'd rebel; thinking that she was stupid and didn't know anything. Towards the end of high school, I began to realize that she was right. People DID use people. The more I let me guard down and the more I helped people... I realized that I too was used and abused...
So what happens when you only have one friend straight out of high school, who also happens to be your boyfriend? You spend every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year... together. You begin to depend on them. To care for them. To worry for them. To help them. To support them. Basically E) All of the above. He becomes the best friend and ONLY friend you have.
So what happens when you begin to develop feelings for someone else? You begin to think about everything. The good, the great, the bad, the horrible, the amazing, the everything. Though you are still in love with that person with all your might, you begin to think if it's mere dependency.
After finally breaking it off, what happens when your current guy wants me-time? You're alone. You don't have any friends. So, you're pretty much alone. You have no one to hang out with. Sure, you have some friends. Some Facebook friends. But you're pretty much alone. Everyone else has their lives, and their worries, and their own jobs, and classes. Whatever. You're alone. Boo hoo.
So what happens when your ex-boyfriend, now only best friend, stops talking to you? You feel even more alone. You begin to do things like sleep more often... And eventually become depressed.
I had never REALLY known what depression felt like. I always thought it was silly how the commercials stated that it help like you didn't want to get out of bed. But what happens when you wake up one morning and you have this daunting feeling that you don't want to get out of bed and realize it's NOT from sleeping late, it's not from being lazy, etc.? You realize you have depression.
It was this overwhelming feeling. The only feeling I can describe it to is receiving morphine. I had only ever received morphine once in my life and it was when I went to the emergency room because I got Cellulitis (Cellular Inflammation) in my left leg. It was a very horrible feeling and if I wasn't going to die from having bacteria in my blood, or having my leg swell until I need it amputated, I felt as if I was going to die from the morphine. It was this extremely cold fluid that went up my right arm from my IV and into my heart. It felt as if my heart was constricting. I felt dizzy and eventually threw up... But that's what I felt depression was like. It's a horrible feeling where you think thoughts like "The world doesn't need me. I don't make any difference. I think I'll just stay here."
Anyways, my mom thinks it's best I go to work to get my mind off everything. I love work. It helps. (: Helping people is therapeutic to me. No need for anti-depressants. All I have to do is go to work and make someone smile by making their day. If I can't have a perfect day, I'd at least want someone to have one.
There may me spelling or grammar errors, but I could care less. Thanks for reading.
Xoxo
To be honest, I'm not sure. Three years, practically three years I spent on the most wonderful guy. He'd do everything and anything for me. To me, you know a guy really loves you when he sacrifices his time, his hobby, his favorite everything... for you. He's willing to do anything, but I mean ANYTHING for you. He'd practically kill someone for you. When you're hurt, they'll shank someone or wipe a tear. They'll hold your face and play with your hair. Anything.
Straight out of high school, after everyone practically hates your guts for telling someone else that her four-some was leaked, you don't really really have many friends. After the drama of having a video on YouTube about you... and people wanting to kill you... and specifying that you're worthless, a cry-baby and that if they ever see you on the street they'll kill you... Yeah, I didn't have many friends out of high school. Everyone was just busy living their own lives.
My mom always taught me since I was little that there was no real thing as a best friend. That everyone used everybody for their own convenience. Throughout high school, I'd rebel; thinking that she was stupid and didn't know anything. Towards the end of high school, I began to realize that she was right. People DID use people. The more I let me guard down and the more I helped people... I realized that I too was used and abused...
So what happens when you only have one friend straight out of high school, who also happens to be your boyfriend? You spend every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year... together. You begin to depend on them. To care for them. To worry for them. To help them. To support them. Basically E) All of the above. He becomes the best friend and ONLY friend you have.
So what happens when you begin to develop feelings for someone else? You begin to think about everything. The good, the great, the bad, the horrible, the amazing, the everything. Though you are still in love with that person with all your might, you begin to think if it's mere dependency.
After finally breaking it off, what happens when your current guy wants me-time? You're alone. You don't have any friends. So, you're pretty much alone. You have no one to hang out with. Sure, you have some friends. Some Facebook friends. But you're pretty much alone. Everyone else has their lives, and their worries, and their own jobs, and classes. Whatever. You're alone. Boo hoo.
So what happens when your ex-boyfriend, now only best friend, stops talking to you? You feel even more alone. You begin to do things like sleep more often... And eventually become depressed.
I had never REALLY known what depression felt like. I always thought it was silly how the commercials stated that it help like you didn't want to get out of bed. But what happens when you wake up one morning and you have this daunting feeling that you don't want to get out of bed and realize it's NOT from sleeping late, it's not from being lazy, etc.? You realize you have depression.
It was this overwhelming feeling. The only feeling I can describe it to is receiving morphine. I had only ever received morphine once in my life and it was when I went to the emergency room because I got Cellulitis (Cellular Inflammation) in my left leg. It was a very horrible feeling and if I wasn't going to die from having bacteria in my blood, or having my leg swell until I need it amputated, I felt as if I was going to die from the morphine. It was this extremely cold fluid that went up my right arm from my IV and into my heart. It felt as if my heart was constricting. I felt dizzy and eventually threw up... But that's what I felt depression was like. It's a horrible feeling where you think thoughts like "The world doesn't need me. I don't make any difference. I think I'll just stay here."
Anyways, my mom thinks it's best I go to work to get my mind off everything. I love work. It helps. (: Helping people is therapeutic to me. No need for anti-depressants. All I have to do is go to work and make someone smile by making their day. If I can't have a perfect day, I'd at least want someone to have one.
There may me spelling or grammar errors, but I could care less. Thanks for reading.
Xoxo
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